Bladerunner one of my favourite films of all time. I admit to owning the five disc blu-ray ultimate cut edition. I even admit to preferring the original 1982 theatrical cut with the voice over to all the others. This movie has been on my mind lately. Well, not the entire thing, but the essence of it.
Memories.
The Nexus 6 replicants are chasing after more life and memories.
Oddly appropriate. Don't you think?
In the closing scenes of the film Roy Batty sits down and recounts the memories that he has, that are going to be lost forever when he dies.
"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I've watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those ... moments will be lost in time, like tears...in rain.
Time to die"
It occurred to me that we are in fact the sum total of our memories more than anything else. We may have climbed Mt. Everest, scored the winning touchdown, or thrown a packet of Kraft Dinner from the gallery of the Parliament, and they would have been defining moments that made us into the individuals we are, but, are these really just memories after the moment has passed?
I am dying.
Not in the Sylvia Plath sense of dying, that we are all dying all of the time, but actually dying.
The cancer has spread again and again and has now decided to take up residence in my head. It's likely to change my personality and the treatment for it may change it as well. So, I'm not going to be around to share my experiences and memories with my little girl or with any grandchildren. And I don't want the last memories my beautiful wife has of me being a stranger. And Arwyn's memories of her dad being one of sickness and death.
So here we are...
A retrospective history in no particular order of events in my life, profound and mundane. Please feel free to comment and share stories of times shared together.
Who and what you are is much more than just your memories. You are in the memories that others have of you and in the impact that you have had on their lives. That scene would not have had the same gravitas if Deckard wasn't there to share it with Roy. It changed Deckard. Forever. It's not all going to be lost Roy, you've made an impact and you will definitely be remembered.
ReplyDeleteI have quite a few favourite Ffej memories, and I will comment on this blog until you block me. My favourite today-Ffej memory is you creating and baking me my very own, personal poutine at The Loon. You used to do it whenever I didn't get overly excited about the daily specials - if maybe you were too hung-over to be overly inspired. I loved your poutine. I loved that you made me my very own Char-Char pout. It had love in it. If I had had my kids then, and known their language, I would have said that it had Ffej Butter in it - Angus always says that the best food I make, the most comforting and loving, has Mummy Butter in it.
ReplyDeleteFfej's poutine a la Loon. My Ffej Memory for today.
Thanks, Ffej. x
Jeff was 14 or 15 and working at a gas station in London his Dad, Mom, and sister were camping at Ipperwash. My sister, his auny Mary, dropped in on us and told us that she saw Jeff with an earring. By the time we got home from camping it was gne. Apparently had become infected and so he got rid of it. We asked him "how come it took you so long to get one?" - he replied that we always told him no he couldn't have one. We pointed out to him that we never said no, we gave him all kinds of reasons that he shouldn't do it, but never said no. We wanted him to make that break from childhood and make his own decisions. He finally made one on his own, without asking us first. Love - Dad.
ReplyDeleteJeff the always observant::
ReplyDeleteI was breastfeeding my baby, Jeff was 4 yrs old and was perplexed with the process. He asked "Auntie Anne WHAT are you doing?" and I replied I was feeding Graham some milk. Wheels churned in his brain and spun out " But you're not a COW!" And then we both proceeded to moo.LOL